Okay, this isn't funny anymore, anxiety. =/ I've been having a lot of paranoid thoughts lately, especially about being seen as insensitive, mean or downright evil. Okay, not counting all the Notes saying I'm the devil in person here, because those are just your run-of-the-mill idiots, and I've really stopped giving a shit about those. Anyhow, if I disappear from the net for a few days: that's really not because I don't want to talk to you. It's more because I'm so scared I'll say something that'll offend you that I simply can't log on, to the point that my heart is just pounding in my chest at the mere thought of going online.
I wouldn't say it's a full-blown paranoia or anxiety issue, but it's really the only words I have for it. And it's shorter then 'USUALLY unreasonable fear of unknowingly asking about a sensitive subject, accidentally offending people and generally being an awkward fuck'.
Fear of ending up hurting the people I don't want to hurt has kept me awake until 01:00 AM on occasion, but I don't have it on a daily basis. I've had consecutive weeks where I didn't worry at all, or an entire month. There's hardly an event or string of events that really triggers the fear. But my friendships have been extremely fragile in the past: One wrong word, and people just cut me out of their lives. Though this time there kind of was something that made my thoughts go downhill again, which was finding out Jake is the stereotype of a bullying victim, and the stereotype of a 'wuss' we see in tv shows/movies/etc. So while I'm offline again trying to shut these thoughts down, I think I'll do a little overhaul on his backstory once I'm a little calmer then today.
I just wanted to let you all know that there's really nothing that's triggering my paranoia, it's really just me.